Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ol' Dog


Ol’ Dog

The proper southern home is not complete without its front porch

Before Willis Carrier it offered a hint of shade and the only escape from

The stifling heat to catch a bit of breeze or sip cool lemonade

The kind of center of traditional family life


And no porch is complete without an ol’ dog

It’s a special kind of decoration and a pedigree pooch won’t pass muster

What is required is a mangy mongrelly kind of hound of

Unknown lineage-his daddy was just passing through town


It can be displayed in several ways-under the porch seeking shade

And thankfully bringing the fleas along

Or above languishing in the empty space along the cracked boards

Between the weathered rockers struggling to hang on to their last

Flecks of paint

The couch now mostly bulging foam relic from some past lay away

The dead stove gently and quietly rusting with the seasons


When work weary bones trudge the dirt path to home

He’s there

Tail wag wiggling from the neck down

Ol’ dog is always as happy to see you as the first time

And no stately mansion offers a finer welcome mat

_______________________________________

Jim Carson is an Architect living in Atlanta with his wife, daughter and Snickers the wonder dog. His work has been published in numerous journals and includes poems published at The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, Southern Fried Weirdness, The Foliate Oak, Clapboard House and Pocket Change (of which he has received little for his work). He can be reached at jcarson@ncgarch.com.

Monday, September 28, 2009

“A Perfect Day”


“A Perfect Day”

This past weekend my wife and I went to a wedding in Charleston, South Carolina. The bride was beautiful and the reception was fun. There was good food and good company and a chance to catch up with a lot of people we hadn’t seen in a while. I rated that evening a success.

But the real fun was reserved for the next day. We had been invited by the bride’s parents to their beach house at Folly Beach. Though we have been friends for ages we had not been to the beach house of Tom and Joanne. But thanks to a good car and On-Star we made it there around eleven in the morning.

When we got there two other friends of ours were there. Terri and Charles and my wife Terry and I have been friends with Tom and Joanne for years but we don’t get together that often. When we do it is talk, talk, talk. The chatter never slows down and we get caught up on everything and everybody.

The highlight of any visit to see Joanne is when she cooks and she had invited us to lunch on this day. I could hardly wait and I had thoughts of all kinds of wonderful dishes melting in my mouth. The last time we had visited Tom and Joanne she cooked a roast and had mashed potatoes and a variety of vegetables.

With these visions in my head you can imagine my disappointment when she said that we were going to “order in.” We discussed what we wanted from low country boil; to pizza. We just couldn’t make up our minds. Then Terri, God love her, suggested we clean out the refrigerator and eat up all the leftovers created for the parties and the guests in the house prior to the wedding.

The women went in and started pulling various dishes out of the refrigerator. There was some chicken soup with a heavy broth that was left along with some chili that looked great. There was also something called “chicken divine” that was divine. My wife found some eggs and made deviled eggs and I spied two tomatoes in a bowl that I gladly sliced.

When it was all put out on the counter it was a feast fit for a king. We found enough drinks to satisfy everyone. Tom and I both had Sprites while Terry and Terri shared a diet coke. Joanne and Charles opted for diet Dr. Pepper. We dove into the food and like “loaves and fishes” it was more than enough to fill everyone and still have some left.

Oh yes there was still room for dessert which was root beer floats or an apple cake with ice cream. Can you believe it? It was wonderful. And all the time we were eating, the sun was shining off the ocean and a breeze was blowing through the trees.

The conversation was full of reminiscences and also talk of the future. There was just a warm glow that surrounded the table as we shared and recalled. Plus there was a lot of laughter at things only good friends could enjoy.

It was absolutely a perfect day and I am so grateful that good friends and good food can still bring me so much joy. As we were eating and talking, I thought to myself that this was like something from a Pat Conroy novel. We were the princes and princesses of tides.
JKC

_______________________________

Jackie Cooper
www.jackiecooper.com

Jackie can also now be found at the Huffington Post!
He's a regular contributor and his first article is HERE.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

How I Became a Responsible Citizen, Against my Parent's Wishes

Ha - that got you interested didn't it!?!

I am a straight and narrow citizen of the world. I pay taxes, belong to the neighborhood association, attend all teacher's meetings, keep the yard tucked and tidy and have a respectable job with as much security you can possibly have in this day and age. Worry about deadlines on an Ezine even though I'm the owner, boss, and payroll (yah, right payroll!)

My parents would be horrified.

You see, my parents were hippies. More than hippies, they believed in metaphysical... something. To this day I'm not sure what that means. Everything was good as long as you thought it was. Negative thinking was your doom. Because of this, they thought precautionary thinking was negative thinking. To be avoided. Working to meet the basic requirements of a good citizen was binding and harmful. I had no rules. I had no curfew. These were restrictive to my growing experience. Would stunt my philosophical growth.

So many respectable and responsible things in the human community were to be shunned as negative thinking. Grades were simply teacher posturing and "estimates". Inoculations were clearly negative thinking in that you feared nature and it's illnesses. Taxes should be negotiable, depending on how your year was. There was no need for a curfew as all things were growing experiences and if that experience took you until 2:00 a.m., well, so be it. Why was there a drinking age? That made no sense at all.

With good food, good wine and a positive outlook, the world was yours to conquer. Nothing else was required. To boot - I was female. I was to be taken care of and my only need in life was a good provider. I did not need to be intelligent, be able to support myself or really have learning of any sort. I just had to have a positive outlook on life and smile pretty.

I disappointed them on all levels.

I excelled in school. I found employment. I did not marry until I was ancient (24). I snuck to a doctor and received all my inoculations. I married and continued working. I still work. My children went to preschool and got their shots. They are not allowed to drink. My car is registered every year.

I am the black sheep on my family. I hope one day they forgive me.

___________________________

Written by Idgie herself!

Idgie has a colorful history that used to be very well known on her blog before she became a "respectable Editor" of an Ezine and ran out of time to write about herself anymore. Every now and again a new story pops up. She also swears she never made one story up. But perhaps she wouldn't be where she is today if she wasn't raised the "Positive Princess Who Could Conquer the World."

Her parents were weird, but they loved her dearly. She thanks them both for believing in her, even if she disappointed them with the end result.

Mimosa Trees and Memories


Mimosa Trees and Memories

by Gina Below

In June in the South, Alabama to be exact, just before the stifling heat of July and August set in, the Mimosa Trees bloom. To most this event goes unnoticed or maybe it is cursed depending on how you feel about Mimosa Trees. To me it is a heralded event, one I’m not even aware that I look forward to until I see the pink blooms appear. Their soft scent whispers to me and I go back in time to the summers of my youth. It is one of my earliest memories, to little to climb the giant Mimosa Tree in my Mother’s yard; I was relegated to the tire swing. I envied my older siblings as they could climb to the lofty heights of green, into the fan like wonder and then one day the amazing pink blooms would appear and I just knew this tree was magic.

Later my Mother would put in a garden swing, but the magic of the tree would remain ever present in my childhood it must have been ancient, as I have not seen a Mimosa Tree to match its girth ever, and it forked and branched off to create natural seats that perfectly fit our backsides. We would spend hours there, laughing and dreaming, whining and complaining, planning our next escapade, or tormenting the loser that didn’t get to the tree in time to have the privilege to sit in her perfect wonder. Sitting up in the cool haven of the safety of her branches she was always there to guard us and protect us. Secrets were told and kept, and no danger would come to us there. More than once I have sat there alone in search of the calm peace that I thought could only be found in her cool branches. Later when I thought myself to grown-up for such nonsense, I would sit in the swing under her branches, unknowingly still seeking the calm she brought to my life.

Life waits for no one and change comes, and we all must move on. The day I came home to my Mother’s house and realized that our Mimosa Tree was gone I grieved. My sister LeAnne and I stood out in the yard, holding hands and mourned our lost childhood friend. We spoke of the rain soaked blossoms and summer evenings when the leaves would fold up and sleep with the magic of the lightning bugs floating through the branches and the hours and hours that were spent as she watched us grow. We never realized that she too grew and would move on, until too late. But she waited for us to grow up before she silently faded.

She was the ever-present guardian of our youth, our fort, the crows nest to our pirates ship, our hiding place if only from ourselves. She was our childhood, if only in part. The pink blossoms bring that back for me every year, like snap-shots of wonderful memories and I smile.

Gina

________________


Gina grew up on a farm in rural Cullman Alabama, which is North of Birmingham. She is one of seven siblings, number five to be exact. A truck drivers daughter with a heavy dose of Southern Baptist upbringing on her Mother's side thrown in for good measure. She and her husband of 25 years live on a farm in central Alabama where they raise cattle and their four children. Her husband Steve will be publishing his book next month "Pigskin Dreams".

Friday, September 25, 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Ball and Chain


BALL AND CHAIN

By Shannon S Michaels

Jolene bolted straight up in the pitch dark and opened her eyes and ears as wide as they’d go. A distant motor hummed through the humid night. A cricket chirped. Her pulse throbbed at the side of her throat.

Somebody had sneezed.

She was sure of it.

A slim wedge of sodium light bled in just below the hem of the gingham curtains. The faux woodgrain surface of the dresser held its silence below. Jolene turned her head. The doorframe hung like luminescent angular lips around a sinister black mouth.

Someone was in the house.

“Did you hear that?” she whispered to the lump lying next to her. Empty seconds spooled out through the oppressive black heat. “Earl?” She nudged him with the point of her elbow. “You awake?”

The lump threw the sheet off of its upper half and sat up.

“Good lord,” he huffed. “Are we having another one of those nights?” Earl leaned closer to his milk crate nightstand and fumbled for the clock. Glow-in-the-dark hands gestured to 2:36 in the a.m. “Girl, I have to get up in two and a half hours.” He dropped onto his flattened pillows and yanked the sheet over his head. “Go to sleep, Jolene. This is getting ridiculous.”

***

She had grown up in the tiny three bedroom ranch on Young Street. She was so excited the day she found it up for sale on Realtor.com. She and Earl had worked anywhere between three to six jobs between the two of them, for the past four years, just to scrape up a down payment for a place of their very own. It was tough, especially with all the medical bills, but they had finally made it.

“You sure this is the one?” Earl had asked her, as they stood holding hands in the outdated galley kitchen. Stark sunlight streamed through a dirty window above the familiar chipped white enamel sink. Dust bunnies gathered at the curled edges of the yellowed linoleum. A small unexplained translucent puddle spread out on the faded Formica counter, unnoticed and nowhere near the sink.

“Earl,” Jolene turned to him and threw her doughy arms around his skinny neck, her deep-set piggy eyes glittering in the gloom. “This is my house. Don’t you remember all the times you came over for dinner and such? Mama and Daddy should never have sold the place when they retired up to Hilton Head. Please, Porkie-Pie? This is where I belong.” A far-away look narrowed her eyes. Her entire face scrunched up as though she were straining to hear something. “It’s just… right.”

The house had changed hands four times in the six years since Jolene’s parents had moved. They had “down-sized” after Jolene married Earl, three months after the kids’ high school graduation. Now, the elder couple lived in a nice condo, thirty miles away. Jolene’s Mama and Daddy had never had any problems with the property, but something must have been wrong with it for those other families to evacuate.

But, Jolene wasn’t interested in hearing any tales about her childhood sanctuary. She wanted to “go home,” she’d said, and there wasn’t anything Earl wouldn’t do for her. She deserved it, especially since she’d been in such pain for the past year or so. Maybe a fresh start would put a stop to those damned headaches that kept her so miserable. The next day, when Earl spoke to Sterling Cobb, their realtor – “best in the Coastal Empire,” on the phone, he mouthed four little words to his “Butter-Biscuit” – we got the house. She clasped her hands beneath her double chin and squealed like a tot on Christmas.

***

But, now, hearing that sneeze again, in the dead of night, she wasn’t so in love with the place.

“Earl?” she breathed into the shadows. No response except for a light whistling snore. He was asleep. Eyes and ears still straining against the blackness, Jolene hauled her legs over the side of the bed and touched her bare feet to the mashed shag carpet. She sat there for a few seconds, listening to the silence. A bat or something chirped outside, scaring the wits out of her, but she recovered and got to her feet.

She lumbered out the bedroom door, through the short hall, to the family/living/dining room. Through the shadows she could make out the outlines of the furniture. The pinkish glow from the street lamp outside seeped through the picture window and onto the brick hearth where she’d hit her head when she was five. Billy, her baby brother, had been chasing her during a rousing game of tag, and she had tripped over the dog and cracked her forehead a good one. She still bore the shallow divot above her right eyebrow.

She fumbled along the wall next to the front door and snapped on the overhead light. It was surprisingly chilly in the room. July in Savannah is a lot of things, but cold isn’t one of them. Jolene rubbed her arms and cast her eyes around the space. She was certain that the sneeze had come from out here. But, no one was there and nothing seemed out of place. Four ladder-back wooden chairs stood around the tiny circle of a dining table. Did we leave one pulled out like that, she wondered. Earl must have done it. Jolene had a thing about always pushing the chairs in before she went to bed.

She crept around, inspecting the faded green garage sale couch, the dark veneer ‘70s end tables she’d inherited from her parents, the bright white mantle above the brick fireplace that seemed to glow in the dark…

There, right there, her mind screamed. She walked to the hearth and inspected the mantle. Where was her picture, the one of her from her one and only dance recital? That was her favorite. She was six or seven in that photo, and she wore the prettiest pink leotard and lace tutu. She looked just like a real-live princess. She stood on the elevated brick hearth and leaned close to where the picture had stood in its silver frame. It should be right there. It had been there from the day after the recital right up until her parents moved, and it was the first thing she’d unpacked and placed with such care when she and Earl moved in.

It was gone.

And, she noticed the strangest thing: the place it had been was wet. Little water droplets glittered like shattered glass against the ghostly white mantel.

Jolene swallowed hard and looked straight ahead. She had the unmistakable feeling that someone was standing behind her. She expected to wheel around and bump nose-first into Earl’s bony chest. But, no one was there. She was alone.

She checked the lock on the front door and crossed into the kitchen. The refrigerator kicked on and made her jump. Everything looked normal. Finding the room empty, she checked the lock on the back door and returned to the living room where she snapped off the light.

Plodding down the short hall to the back bedroom, she bumped her elbow on a corner and blurted out a quiet “dang it.” She peered into the doorway of the spare room. Shadows lay heaped in mounds encircling the twin bed that had been hers when she was a child. She flipped on the light and gazed upon the unpacked mess that lived in the room. Exploded duffel bags with clothes spilling out, unopened moving boxes labeled “papers” and “books/magazines,” rolls of slightly torn and wrinkled wrapping paper, a dusty sewing machine, Earl’s computer still in boxes. She made a mental note to organize that pigsty. Finding nothing unusual, she thumped back to her room, climbed back into bed and nestled against the snoring lump of Earl. She thought about waking him and telling him about the missing picture, but he’d just get mad.

She had a headache.

***

The following morning, they’d gotten up and rushed off to work, as usual -- Jolene to the donut shop where she waited tables, ate more than her fill of chocolate cream-filled powder sugared ‘nuts, and caught everyone up on the latest gossip; and Earl to the marina where he drank beer, sang country tunes (badly), and sometimes fixed boats. Jolene would have the afternoon off. She’d clean up the house and maybe take a bath, and then it was her night to work the Silver Screen video store, all on her lonesome. Maybe she’d bring home a movie that she and Earl could watch together while they snuggled and ate leftover pizza from his shift at the Pizza Castle.

Having said her good-byes to the regulars at the Donut Hole, Jolene headed home with thoughts of a romantic evening with her Porkie-Pie. She pulled into the driveway, struggled out of the car, and mounted the sagging shallow step to the front porch. She was just fitting her key into the lock when she saw him. The stranger.

Well, not a stranger, exactly. She knew she’d seen him somewhere before. The Hole, maybe? Silver Screen? Maybe he lived in the neighborhood or gone to high school with her. She didn’t know, but she’d seen him before. Not wanting to be rude, she raised her hand and called out a cheerful “hi.”

He just stood there on the sidewalk, expressionless but definitely watching her.

A chill rushed up her spine, rippling her ample flesh. Creepy, she thought as she pushed the door open and squeezed inside. She tried to think of where she’d seen the rail thin bug-eyed guy with the goatee and dirty hair, but nothing came to her. She locked the door behind her and turned her attention back to Earl. She had yet another splitting headache and was looking forward to a nice long hot bath.

Just as she switched off her hair dryer and the last gurgle of water slipped down the tub drain, she heard it again.

A sneeze.

From somewhere inside the house.

She was absolutely sure of it.

It was getting close to time for her shift at the video store – what should she do? Call Earl? He’d come home and look around, find nothing, and then give her the look again. She didn’t want that. That would rule out that romantic evening of pizza and a movie she’d been looking forward to. And, besides, she’d be late for work if she called Earl. And she was never late for work.

Standing in front of the pink bathroom sink, she shook two aspirin into the palm of her hand. She hesitated, shook out one more, and swallowed them with a slurp straight from the bathroom faucet.

***

Things were quiet at the video store. She’d heard on the radio that there had been a shooting at a convenience store down the street, so she was a little on edge. But, it was turning out to be an easy night for her.

Until he showed up.

Jolene was rearranging the DVD boxes in the “new releases” section, making room for the new new releases that would come tomorrow, when the doorbell sounded. It went “ding-dong,” just like the doorbell she had at home. She liked that sound. It always meant company, and she loved company. She turned around, smiling, and started to say “welcome to Silver Screen,” but all that came out was “well.” Her smile fell.

It was him.

The bug-eyed stranger from the sidewalk – and Lord knows wherever else – stood just inside the door. He scanned the small shop with unseeing eyes, barely noticing the shelves, until he found her. It hit her like a cast iron frying pan. She’d seen him in some of the movies she brought home from the store. A real-live celebrity, right here in the store! He was that character actor in that violent heist-gone-wrong movie she liked, you know, the one with the funny voice.

But, wait. That didn’t make any sense. Why had he been on the sidewalk in front of her house? And at the Donut Hole, or wherever else she’d seen him? She stifled a little laugh, thinking she had a celebrity stalker. It’s not him, you stupid head, she told herself. Maybe those headaches were something more than just plain old head achin’ headaches after all. The doctors never could tell.

Jolene rolled her eyes around the store, looking for something she might use as a weapon just in case he tried anything funny. There was a tire iron behind the counter, but that was closer to him than it was to her. Her hand closed around a Star Wars box set at the end of the aisle. Sure, she could brain him with that. The Force would be with her.

The stranger looked down at his feet, walked in a tight circle, and sat down. Right on the floor, in front of the counter.

Jolene’s head throbbed as she struggled to grasp just what this stranger was playing at. She didn’t know if she should talk to him or what. She thought about running for the door, but he was right in the way. Maybe she could throw the box set. Was The Force strong enough to at least stun him so she could run past? She wished she had a cell phone. She’d call Earl. Pizza Castle was only about ten blocks away.

She didn’t have to fret for long.

The stranger suddenly took a big sharp breath.

And sneezed.

Jolene couldn’t believe her little black eyes.

He’d vaporized himself, right in front of her.

Did you see that, her indignant mind squawked. How rude.

Shimmering liquid droplets sprayed in a dense cloud, raining down on the laminated DVD cases on their display shelves.

Jolene sat down hard.

Her head hurt worse than ever. Her nose and ear leaked red.

***

Things were quiet at home for about a week. She never spoke of the liquefying stranger to Earl or anyone else. She felt a cold spot here and there in the house, but she just ignored it and went about her business as best she could.

One day, she came home from shopping and found a big wet spot on the carpet next to the sofa. If they’d had a dog, she would have assumed Rover couldn’t make it through the doggy door in time. But, she hadn’t had a dog since she was a kid. Whatever happened to that dog, she wondered. She looked up at the ceiling, thinking that maybe there was a leaky pipe or something, but the white popcorn plane was bone-dry. She soaked up what she could with an old towel and put the whole thing out of her mind.

She’d heard footsteps from the attic above a number of times. Then, she’d hear the sneeze and the footsteps would stop. Earl said the footsteps were just the house settling. Wasn’t it old enough to stop settling by now, or was that a never-ending process? She had grown a little scared of the noises, the wet spots, the picture going missing. She thought long and hard about telling Earl that she wanted to sell the house, but the market was terrible and they’d never get enough money out of it to get a new place. As things stood, every dime they made went to paying the mortgage and utility bills. They couldn’t afford to move again. And she had wanted this house so badly. Earl would tell her she was over-reacting. So, she kept her mouth shut and popped aspirin like candy for her worsening headaches.

Jolene had been to the doctor six times about the headaches. The doctor had offered to set up some kind of tests for her, down at Memorial Hospital, but Jolene didn’t want to go stick her head in some giant microwave or anything. You never know what those beeping machines could do to you, give you a brain tumor or make you hear voices that aren’t really there.

Beyond that, the doctor said that Jolene suffered from migraines. He could give her some pills to help dull the pain, but they weren’t guaranteed to work. And they were dang expensive, especially if you didn’t have insurance. She got the prescription filled one time, down at the CVS. Earl couldn’t buy any beer for two weeks. The pills didn’t work that great, anyhow. So, she’d stuck with aspirin, ice packs, and suffering.

Then, one day, she had to call in sick to the Donut Hole. It was the first time ever.

And she saw him again.

She’d been lying on the sofa, sipping sweet tea with an ice pack on her forehead, watching the news at noon. Just as Swan Moreland started talking about the weather, said a big heat wave was on the way, Jolene got the worst chill of her life. She sat straight up, dropped her ice pack on her prodigious belly, and listened.

Footsteps.

In the attic.

Her arms broke out in goose flesh. Her jowls quivered. She tried to tell herself that it was nothing, the house settling, like Earl said. Or maybe it had come from inside her own throbbing head.

But then she heard it again. An unmistakable rhythmic squeaking-creaking from directly above her head.

Summoning all her strength, and more courage than she’d ever thought she’d had, she got to her feet and directed herself down the short hall to the folding attic steps. A round wooden knob swung from a cord, hanging down from the hatch in the ceiling. Before she could stop herself, Jolene grabbed the cable and yanked. The steps clattered down with a screech and a groan. She stared up into the black hole that loomed over her head, stray bits of yellow insulation drifting down like snowflakes. Not a single sound floated down.

Jolene put her foot on the first narrow step and transferred her weight. Her stomach flipped and her knees went rubbery as she climbed up. The little steps creaked beneath her and she was sure she’d fall and break a shoulder.

She poked her head into the black void and stood stock still, waiting for her eyes to adjust. Cold air swirled around her face, tousling her honey-colored curls. She had thought it would be hot up there, since it was summer, and there were no a/c vents. She’d have to ask Earl about that. Deciding that she’d never be able to see in the dark, she climbed a few more steps and stood, hunched over, inside the frosty attic. She groped in the dark for the cord that would light the naked bulb, which Earl had replaced the day they moved in.

Jolene tugged the string and the dim light snapped on. Shoulder-high towers of boxes formed a narrow aisle leading to the back of the crowded space. Jolene wasn’t sure she could squeeze through there. She had lost about fifty pounds since last summer, but she was still pretty far from super-model skinny.

There, at the end of the little corridor, her eyes fell on something that nearly made her pee her pants.

In the dull shadows, she could make out the solid shape of an arm and shoulder, as if someone were sitting on the floor behind the last stack of cardboard cartons.

Jolene swallowed hard, ignoring the violent pounding in her dented forehead. Something, some inexplicable force, pulled her toward the figure at the end of the aisle.

No, please, I don’t want to see, her mind screeched.

The arm retreated. She heard movement from beyond the boxes, a rustling whispering sound, like dry leaves blown across the driveway.

She inched toward the end of the aisle and, after a deep shuddering breath, she peeked, with one eye, around the corner.

She let out a piercing scream.

He was there.

The bug-eyed stranger from everywhere.

He jumped and looked directly at her, eyes wild, shoulders hunched, right there beneath the rafters. He immediately sat on the floor and looked up at her almost sheepishly.

With great horror, Jolene discovered where her missing ballerina picture had gone. In a niche between exposed studs, a crude shrine stood in homage to her childhood. There was not only the recital picture, but one of her with her baby brother, one of her whole family, and, in the center of the display, a beaming Jolene holding her best Christmas present ever -- her tiny beagle puppy, Buddy.

The cowering stranger spoke.

“Jolene,” he whined.

He knew her name.

Of course, he would, this bug-eyed stalker weirdo who had kept a shrine to her in her very own attic! She wanted to run, but he grabbed her wrist.

“Let go,” she whispered. His hand was cold. And wet.

“Wait,” he whined at her. “Don’t you know me?”

She looked at his wild eyes, his big teeth, his dirty hair.

He smiled then, and chuckled. He made a strange growl-whine sound. “Of course you don’t.” He grinned at her. “I’ve been following you, waiting here for you, for so long. But you don’t know me now.” He looked down at his hand, still on her wrist.

She was dumbstruck. Her mouth opened to scream, but her voice had dried up. Part of her wanted to hear how this ugly stranger knew her. Part of her wanted to scream and trip down the stairs and out the front door.

“This is so hard to finally say. Look at you, all grown up.” He smiled at her. “I’ve been waiting here for so long, practicing for this. Don’t be afraid.” He pulled her wrist, pulling her down to sit beside him. She sat, grimacing and shivering.

“Do you remember this picture?” He pointed to the shot of her at the recital. “You were so proud that day. We were all proud. Even me, even though I wasn’t allowed to go and watch.” Sadness tempered his smile.

He pointed to the picture of her with her Mama and Daddy. “Such good people,” he said. “I loved all of you so much. I hope you all knew that.”

Who in the heck was this guy? Was he a long-lost relative she hadn’t seen for decades? An old family friend? A forgotten neighbor? Some murderous kook? Jolene’s head felt like it was splitting in half. A drop of blood fell on her hand. The stranger saw. He looked around the crowded shrine area. Not finding what he sought, he held his sleeve up to her nose and gently blotted her leaking nostril.

“Billy,” he said, pointing to her baby brother. “He was there, you know. Mama made him promise he’d never ever tell you.” He shook his head and sighed.

Her mind whirled. Her sweet tea rose to the back of her throat, propelled by the clenching of her stomach.

He scratched his ear and whined a little.

“You were at school that day. It was a beautiful spring afternoon, perfect in the shade of that big live oak in the front yard.” He clumsily swiped a tear from one bulging eye. “Mama staked me out so I could roll in the grass. And Billy – he was just four, not big enough for school yet, he wanted to play.”

Jolene’s head throbbed in time with her racing heart. The stranger sighed again and turned his face away from her.

“He crawled under the house to get my old tennis ball and brought it over to me.” Bug-eyes sniffed the mildewed air. “He threw it a couple of times, and I strained my chain to get it. I brought it back to that sweet little boy a hundred times that day. He always made good company when you were at school, you know,” he said, choking up.

“One time, though, that last time, he threw it just a little too far. And, you know where the yard slopes down just a bit? The ball rolled into the street. Billy knew my chain didn’t quite reach that far and he started to run for it himself. But, Jolene,” he turned to look at her most earnestly, a tear streaking down his stubbly cheek, “a car was coming.”

She gasped. A memory, stuffed long and deep down into the darkest recesses of her heart, flashed to the front of her splintering mind. Pain like none she’d ever known bored through her forehead. Tears welled up in her eyes.

This was no stranger.

“I pulled as hard as I could on that chain. Billy.” He shook his head and huffed. “The stake pulled right out of the pine straw where Mama had sunk it with her bare hands. Good thing she wasn’t stronger.” He let out a little sound that sounded like a soft “oof.” “He needed me, little Billy, and it was my duty. I ran into the street, right in front of that car.”

He picked up the picture of Jolene and the puppy and put it in her trembling hands. Her vision was failing.

“I held on just long enough to see your gentle Mama scoop up the boy and hide his eyes as they ran to my side.”

Jolene sobbed.

Could it be true? How else would he know…?

He looked different, of course.

“They told me you ran away,” she cried, putting a hand on top of his head, reaching to hug him.

The man looked at her with his big bulging eyes. He still looked like that scrawny character actor from the movies, but she could see something else now. A familiar expression.

Her long lost Buddy.

“You come back, you know,” he told her, taking her hand from his head. “After the pain and the light and the crying and the wonder.” He smiled at her.

“Just, I get to be the person this time, is all.”

He held a pink nylon collar and matching lead in his hands and smiled at her with loving kindness.

Jolene’s head and heart gave a final throb.

“I’ve come to take you home, girl.”

***

The first thing Earl saw when he stepped through the front door was the puddle on the floor beneath the attic door.

“Jolene?”

“Butter-Biscuit?”

____________________________________

Shannon writes: "

I am a working writer living in Savannah. I have had a couple of horror stories published earlier this year (one in Static Movement, the other in Sonar4), and my first novel is making the agency rounds as we speak. Novels number 2 and 3 are in progress. B.S. from Drexel University, M.A. from Emerson College, lived in Moscow, Russia for a few years, then moved to L.A., where I worked for Dick Clark, Ridley Scott, and CBS."

_______________________

Shannon is not a Southerner by birth, but spent two years of college at Tulane, and moved to Savannah with her husband for work. She continues her education in the NASCAR experience in her spare time.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The God of Blackberries


The God of Blackberries requires child sacrifice, blood and scratches, owies laid open, knees scraped and elbows skinned.

Walk into the brambles and shuffle the canes, picking as you go, but leave behind rich redness and pain.

The God of all Blackberries demands a price, stinging skin pierced by thorns you didn’t know about until the lemonade spilled.

And who is to say at the end of the day whether or not you lie when your red-smeared mouth proclaims you ate none, brought home all.

_____________________________

ROSANNE GRIFFETH

Rosanne Griffeth lives on the verge of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and spends her time writing, documenting Appalachian culture and raising goats. Her work has been published by Mslexia, Plain Spoke, Now and Then, Pank, Night Train, Keyhole Magazine and Smokelong Quarterly among other places. She is the blogger behind The Smokey Mountain Breakdown.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Thorn & Rose


THORN & ROSE

A rose, said I? Or yet, said I-- a thorn?

Thorns have roses-- and that is what I say!

(Though the fool whose flesh is for being torn,

He will be having it the other way!).

Let him who thinks to pluck a rose– beware!

Beware the angry vine, the vengeful briar!

The rose may call your name, but go with care–

It is the thorn that sets your blood on fire!

Oh, yes, the flower dies with season’s close–

But look how long the thorn outlasts the rose!


______________________________

Jack Peachum

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

If I Could Change Some Things in My Life

If I could change some things in my life
I would change all the days I spent being a drunk,
But those days make the days I have now more realistic and peaceful.

If I could change some things in my life
I would take away all the time I used drugs,
But those days make me thankful to be alive today.

If I could change some things in my life
I would take away all the days I wished to be with my kids and didn’t make more of an effort,
But those days make me more conscious of why my kids are what they are.

If I could change some things in my life
I would have walked away from a lot of my fights with my spouse,
But those days make me realize winning the argument doesn’t mean you won.

If I could change a few things in my life
I wouldn’t have damned God as much as I did in my youth,
But those days help me know now God was watching over me even when I cursed him to Hell.

If I could change a few things in my life
I would have spent more of my youth learning instead of already knowing it,
But those “know it all” days really have made me wiser and willing to learn.

If I could change a few things in my life
I would go back and say I love you and thank you to the hardest working woman I ever met,
But even though I didn’t say it enough, I think she knew all the way to the end.

If I could change a few things in my life
I would have taught my kids to stand tall, better yet, you have to spend time on your knees,
But those days have taught me personally to spend more time there myself.

If I could change a few things in my life????

I don’t know that I really would change anything, my past makes me the man I am today.

And the man I look at in the mirror…I like, and I am proud that he has grown to be honest and loving, the man I am now realizes he isn’t invincible and doesn’t take every day for granted.

Sure, I could have done some things different but would I be what I am today?

I think not, and I’m happy with what I have become through all my faults, I have learned that perfection is a myth and my faults make me real.

____________________________

Charles Cole
http://www.myspace.com/hardworkingsingledad1

Charles Coleis a native Mississippian, now residing in Wheeler Mississippi ( "The closest thing to heaven I've found on this earth.") He is a recovered drug addict and alcoholic and has been sober for 10 years now. He has previously been published in Matergravy.com.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I AM THE HUNTER

"I AM THE HUNTER!" I've heard that statement repeated in my mind countless times. It usually came into my head at the very beginning of a weekend adventure. I could almost imagine myself dressed in Buckskin and moccasins, my head covered by a Coonskin Cap, trusty, muzzle loading, Kentucky Squirrel Rifle in hand, standing straddle-legged atop a brush covered hill, proud, self sufficient and strong.

Piercing, dark eyes scanning my domain, senses sharp and alert, I would test the wind direction, process all the input born of experienced observations and strike out in a direction of travel which was most likely to bring success to the hunt.

Startled back to reality by the noise of a flushed, meadowlark, which I had surprised, truth came to visit and put me in my place. I was the modern-day version of my previous, mental image. Still, I did possess the same primitive instincts and drive of my predecessors. I could feel the influence of their pioneer spirit and my whole body seemed to tingle. I denied the possibility of that tingle being the shiver brought on by the chill of the crisp, morning air penetrating the layers of warm flannel and cotton clothing I wore.

I understood that the man of today is a much different creature than, let's say 50 to 100 years ago. He is usually more fragile, both physically and emotionally. A softer natured individual, due mainly to the comfortable surroundings he was reared in. Artificial climates, either cooled or warmed by the latest in technological advances, filtered atmospheres to breath and comfortable beds to rest in.

There is no need for man to depend upon his own abilities for survival. He buys what he needs to sustain him. If he is threatened at all, it is not by exposure to the elements or the predatory, wild creatures of woodland or field. He is the supreme predator with total dominion over his surroundings. Most of what he needs is there, within easy reach. He does not know the day to day struggle to survive as his ancestors did. So, why does man go out of his way to encounter nature?


I am 68 years old. Born in a sharecropper’s hovel located on a farm in Portland, Kentucky in October of 1940. Delivered, they tell me, by a country Doctor and local Mid-wife. The third child and first son of what would come to be a family with nine children, 5 girls and 4 boys. "Sturdy Stock" was about the best our Father could come up with in an attempt to describe our roots and lineage while telling us one of his home-spun tales. Lacking formal education, Dad and Mom were still very successful at passing on to us, the family's heritage.

Mountain people we were, predominantly Irish and Cherokee Indian by blood. Our family tree had many branches, introducing English and German blood into the mix. It was difficult for me to comprehend the influences that those roots brought to bear upon my own composition as a person. I lived my life by reacting to drives and impulses from within, giving no consideration to their origins.

My earliest memories go back to a time when I was around 5 years old. The pain caused me by a smallpox vaccination at the hand of a Doctor who made house calls was my first. Anything before that was only dim scraps of images, fragments of time and cognition. I was told that our family moved to "The Big City", Newport, Kentucky when I was little more than two years old.
Since I am writing about hunting here, I focused my efforts toward memories of events that involved the out-of-doors and nature. I have always been attracted by anything alive which was able to move and I have always loved being outside in the open air. It mattered not what the weather was like. The more skin I had exposed to the elements, the better I liked it. Possibly, I would have made a good "Nudist" during those days of my youth. A bath in a bathtub was undeserved torture, but a soaking, summer thunderstorm was a joy to experience, especially if I was out in it, drenched head to toe.

The chill of a winter's day was of little concern to me. No coat and a short-sleeved shirt were more than enough protection as I walked the three city blocks to school and back. There was a furnace inside me, fueled by youthful enthusiasm and energy that seemed boundless.
There was always some new discovery to hold my interest. An animal or insect I had never seen before. I remember picking up a grasshopper and studying it intently. I watched as its mouth parts moved ceaselessly, and I thought I saw my own reflection reproduced hundreds of times in its great, faceted eye lenses. I took note of how its body was constructed. A bony-hard, segmented assembly of intricate forms and shapes, joints with hidden hinges, over-sized, spurred hind legs which provided it with the ability to leap great distances. Wing casings that made an excellent place to grasp and hold it during the examination.

Then, I remembered someone saying, "If you capture a grasshopper, make it "Spit" before you release it." I held its mouth to the palm of my hand and the grasshopper obliged by depositing a small drop of what looked like, tobacco juice on it. So, as instructed, I did my part and let it go, unharmed. Still, I couldn't help but wonder, what was it about this small creature which allowed it know what was required of it in this unwritten agreement? To spit on command to receive its freedom. I was never satisfied with other people's explanations of why animals and insects did what they did, so any time I got a chance, I would read what I could find in books concerning them.

I don't recall the first time I took the life of some smaller creature. I don't know if I felt remorse about it either. More than likely though, it was a senseless killing, like stepping on a bug that I saw on the ground. Perhaps I was angry and upset about something that didn’t go my way, so I vented my wrath on it. One thing is for sure, at some time in my young life, I killed a lesser creature and over time, developed a mental attitude about doing so, which would justify the act. Without that kind of mind set, it would be impossible for anyone to hunt down and kill any animal.

My Father loved the out-of-doors too. Over the years, he was responsible for my first introduction to many male traditions and cultural rites that brought me to maturity with respect to hunting.

Yes! I remember the specifics of some of those experiences. He resorted to threatening me with a switch when I balked at participating in some activity that he considered necessary to my continued growth toward manhood.

There are wild creatures that have the ability to strike fear in the heart of inexperienced youth. A water snake, a snapping turtle, a crawfish, and a hellgrammite with its great pincher like mandibles and razor sharp hooks on its tail. It was able to injure a finger with either end. But there were techniques and methods one could be taught which made it possible to pick up and handle such creatures, it was only necessary to be brave and overcome one's fear. It was necessary to learn which ones were bluffing and which one were serious. Some creatures were pretenders, projecting a threat of harm but unable to inflict pain, while others were calm and gave no indication of their true potential, until it was too late and a novice adventurer learned this lesson, the hard way.

"Once bitten, shame on you; twice bitten, shame on me" my Father used to say. He had hundreds of those kinds of sayings to pass on. "Let a sleeping dog lie" he said. It was a lesson I learned quickly. Size didn't matter either. A small, nasty tempered lap dog could rip a finger with needle like teeth if you interrupted his nap. It didn't take long to learn that many creatures will defend themselves when threatened. "Nothing is more fierce than a cornered animal,” Dad said and I took it at face value. He didn't need to prove it to me.

For many years, it was just Dad and I. I was his only male offspring. There were five females and myself for a period of time before another son was born into the family. So, of course, I was the focal point for much of what he had to pass on to his children. We fished and hunted, repaired the car and fixed whatever needed fixing around the house.

But, it was our time together in the out-of-doors that came to mean the most to me. I was his shadow on weekends, never letting him out of my sight, lest he went out on an adventure without me. I couldn't accept that there were situations when my presence was an undesirable factor. He had adult friends and comrades, men he did more grown-up things with, Coon hunting and the like and then there were those times when he and they would get drunk and do man things which I could not share in. I could hardly wait to grow up.

I believe my own individual character as a hunter developed during the time we lived on a farm out in Indiana. I was a teenager then, on the verge of becoming an adult, eager to do things on my own, to put into practice, all which my Father had taught me. In his absence, I was "The Man around the House". He charged me with that responsibility one day as he prepared to leave in search of a job. From that day on, I automatically assumed the roll at any time he was not around. It was a serious responsibility, one I didn't take lightly. The world was filled with danger and implied threats. Snakes, spiders, lizards or who knows what kind of stinging insects could invade the house and what would those helpless women do if I weren't around to save them?
Dad was laid off from his job at the Lakeland Steel Plant and the only income we had was his unemployment, and that wasn't much. He supplemented that with money he earned doing odd jobs for others in the area. Trying to help where I could, I took to cutting cordwood.

I invested some of my income on better tools. A modern Bow saw and a new double bladed ax. My production increased and so did my income. Soon, Dad found a job as a service station attendant on the night shift. My responsibilities as the Man of the House increased with that development. I was in charge for five nights of the week and while he slept during the daytime.
There was plenty of opportunity to observe and learn as I went about doing my chores. There was a natural spring just a short distance from the front door of our house. On wash day, it was my job to build a fire under the tub outside and fill it with water. After my chores were done, I would spend hours watching the events that took place at that spring. Water Striders, like miniature, out-rigger canoes, would glide across the surface tension of the water. Whirligig Beetles would make endless circles in one area for a while and then streak off to some other, more interesting part of the spring only to continue where they had left off before.

The purpose of those aquatic acrobats was a complete mystery to me. Why did they do what they did and what was the purpose for their existence? Mud daubers would come to the spring to get materials for building their nests. Their tails were constantly moving in an up and down bobbing motion, while they used their heads like tiny Bulldozers, pushing and working the mud until it was the perfect consistency. I often wondered what power gave them the ability to make such a judgment?

Then they would form the mud into a ball that was much too large for them to fly with, I thought, but fly they did and I was always amazed by their strength and flying skills. I've ran after them, following to their construction site, where they worked that soft mud into the free hand shape of what would soon be the future home of their offspring and storage space for the countless, stunned spiders which would feed them.

Small Frogs made that spring their home too. They had chosen a good place to live. There was plenty of food in the form of insects that visited the pool for any number of reasons. There were hundreds of "Wigglers" I called them, in the water. They would hang suspended, just below the surface, with their little snorkel tubes reaching up through the surface to the vital air above. A Water Strider would come gliding by, touch one of their snorkels and it would send them into a wriggling frenzy, darting down and sideways to escape some phantom predator.

An air rifle is a weapon of low muzzle velocity, it has very little power at a distance, but close up, it is an effective weapon for small animals and it furnished many a meal for us when other kinds of meat were not to be had. There are groups of people today, who resent men that hunt. They believe that all hunters kill animals for the sake of killing and leave them lay where they fall. I will be the first to admit; there are such men involved in this activity. I try not to call hunting "A Sport."

The Dictionary gives a very lengthy group of definitions for the word "Sport", none of them pertaining to hunting. That fact seems to back me up in my opinion on the matter. What I did find was the word "Sportsman". It is defined as "One who pursues field sports, especially hunting and fishing." Also, "One who abides by a code of fair play."

Those who are called "Animal Rights Activists" would say there is nothing "Fair" about modern hunting or its methods. Wild animals don't stand much of a chance against a determined Hunter with today's very accurate, high-powered weaponry. But hunting today involves all kinds of weapons, from compound and crossbows to rifles of many different types, with or without telescopic sights. Hunters use their weapon of choice for various reasons. Some do so in the name of "Fairness", some do so to demonstrate their personal skill levels with all types of weapons and stalking techniques or tracking skills.

Reduced to its basic roots, hunting was a means of survival. The taking of an animal's life to sustain human life by devouring the animal's flesh or even using the fur of that same animal to protect the human body from the elements. In a time of great need, man will use whatever weapon is at hand and take the life of any other animal to sustain his own life and the lives of his family members. That's hunting in a nutshell.

In my youth, with the only weapon I had available, an air rifle, I provided my own family with Bullfrogs, Ground Squirrels and various kinds of edible Birds. Seldom was an animal's life sacrificed with any other thought in mind than the fact it would be meat for our table. As our finances improved, we purchased better weapons, 22 Caliber Rifles and 12 Gauge Shotguns. We also purchased and raised some domestic stock, purely as a food source, such animals as Chickens, Ducks, Geese and Pigs.

Poor families eke out a living. It is a necessary part of life. The meat on their table is often whatever is available. Any kind of wild meat is acceptable so long at it can be eaten. Better weapons expand the range of animal types that can be taken. Desperate times keep people from rejecting most kinds of animal flesh, of course, there are exceptions to any rule. But my family ate Rabbit, Squirrel, Groundhog, Opossum and even Raccoon.

Some families develop a "Taste" for certain kinds of animal flesh. Even in the best of times, an occasional meal of Wild Rabbit or Squirrel is a treat, so, even when circumstances didn't demand that we resort to wild meat, the Hunters in the family would venture out into the fields and forest to hunt and provide that preference of taste.

There are other aspects of the hunt which participants find enjoyable. There is a release from the stress of daily life, and contentment in the solitude of a wooded hillside. We often call such activities "Unwinding" or relaxation. There are some women who have crossed over into these activities. They work every day, side by side with men, know the same stresses of the job and do not limit themselves to what society has classified as appropriate means for relieving stress.
For as long as I can remember, I have known a strange excitement that swells within me at the approach of "Opening Day" for the annual hunting season. The anticipation of events that may take place gives place to remembering the experiences of hunts from the past. If there is a gathering of friends who have known the shared adventure of other hunts, the evening prior to another hunt will be filled with tall tales and good natured taunting of one another's lack of hunting skills. They make jokes and laugh, remembering accidents and mistakes or some clumsy pratfall or nasty spill which occurred to someone other than themselves.

A close friend will be the first to recall a time when some one's aim was off and make critical judgments concerning that person's ability to hit the broad side of a barn with a shotgun, all in good-natured fun. There is a special kind of "Bonding" which only fellow Hunters can know. Relationships are formed by that bonding which will last a lifetime and unrelated men become Brothers in spirit and soul.

On the evening before a scheduled hunting trip, grown men lay in their beds, wide-eyed with expectations. Sleep is slow to come when closing one's eyes in search of sleep is greeted by images of old, long standing, Hickory groves; their leaves already changing into their autumn colors. The images are so vivid; the crispness of the chilled air can be felt in the lungs as the individual draws deep breaths in their mind. The warmth of the morning sun can be felt on cold, damp shoulders as it filters through the treetops and washes the forest floor with light.
The senses seem more alive; the vision seems clearer, sharper and more appreciative of nature's beauty. Nothing is overlooked or taken for granted. A soft cushion of thick moss was placed on top of that fallen log just to form a comfortable place to sit for some weary Hunter. The forest floor has been carpeted with a thick layer of fallen leaves in preparation for your passing that way. The birds and Ground Squirrels seem to have staged a special performance just for you to observe this day. The birds are more vocal, the Ground Squirrels are more energetic than normal and Mother Nature herself has arranged a display of beauty on this day, which no other man has ever seen before.

As you sit on a fallen log, the seat that nature prepared for you, there is a sudden gust of wind, it swirls through the tree tops and a descending veil of leaves, so thick, it blocks out the sun, comes floating to the forest floor. The breeze is scented with the pungent odor of decaying leaves, tinged with the acidic aroma of damp tree bark. There is a hint of freshly mown hayfields on the same breeze and wood smoke from a distant fireplace. It is such a special day, you know that it may never happen again. You are in no hurry to exit from this place. It is a time of rare events and you allow every impression to flow through you, to leave an indelible mark upon your soul. This day will become a treasure for future years. You store it away, close and lock the door, behind which the experience will remain until you have need of it again.

Certainly, you are blessed above all other men. Mother Nature comes to sit beside you, placing her arm upon your shoulder, nudging you to come to a place just over the next rise, around the next bend in the creek which winds through a wooded valley. She has so much to share with you; how can you not go? With every step you take, the scene changes, before and behind you. Progress is slow and methodical, for you fear you will miss out on another treasure. Life is all around you, its power surges over and through you. You feel invigorated and strong; soaking up the energy which is all around.

Standing on a small rise, you take in the scene before you. Fingers of sunlight radiate through the trees, looking like a great fan of sparkling gemstones. They splash upon the forest floor and illuminate the darkness. Squirrels frolic around the roots of a great Oak and then climb in a serpentine coil around the massive trunk. You should be stalking them, but you tell yourself "There is plenty of time for dying", but life is a vapor and the joy of it is shared by all creatures.
As if to reward your thoughts, from the edge of the woods, a young male Deer comes on the scene. His antlers still covered with velvet; he pauses in one of the fingers of sunlight and strikes a majestic pose. His muscular, young body tenses with alertness. He raises his head to sample the air, sniffs it deeply and exhales. A billowing cloud of vapor drifts out from his nostrils and spreads out into a vanishing mist, luminescent in the sunlight, rising into the darkness just above the his head and is gone.



His tucked tail is suddenly erect, his skin jerks and twitches over his flank and his head turns in my direction. Has he caught my scent? His actions seem to say he has. I remain motionless, but his gaze is locked onto my position. He senses that something is there which should not be, something alien and possibly a threat to him. Caution is his friend and hurried flight his defense. He explodes into action and with several great leaps; he was out of my sight. I can only stand and be in awe of his power and strength. But he has not escaped, for I have captured him in my memory. He will remain with me so long as I have life.

___________________________________

Clarence Bowles

Friday, September 11, 2009

Summer Poem



Summer Poem

Driving
in
the
sun

on
such
a
warm
day

summer
it
is

and
green.

________________________

Danny P. Barbare
barbaredaniel@yahoo.com

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Stories Wanted!


Come on ya'll!

I have several great poems coming up this month, wonderful books being reviewed, but the Dew needs some new stories to fill it out.

We need short stories, really short stories, amazingly long paragraphs.....................whatever you have.

If you're an established writer, a beginning writer, someone who's been thinking about it but hasn't taken that first step to submit a story, come visit the Dew and show us what you have.

Southern stories and/or Southern writers wanted............ and needed! Ya'll don't want me to start dragging out all my goofy stories again! :)

Hope to hear from you soon.
Idgie
Dewonthekudzu@gmail.com

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

What the South Gave the World - A to Z



My own little take on what the South gave the world:

__________________

This is my Ode to the South - a list of Southern-ness we so graciously decided to share with the rest of ya'll.

A - Ambrosia. A rather (to me) disgusting dessert product of jello, chunked fruit and some sort of whipped froth topping. Most Southerners love it. It tends to be the orange jello.

B - Billy Beer. Where else in the country can we get a President from a peanut farm who, as soon as he's President, has his ijit brother try to ride his coattails and make a beer that he names after himself. Sadly I was too young when it was out and I have no idea if it was any good or not.

C - Coke. That's right - straight from Atlanta thankyouverymuch. Find another place that can invent a nice refreshing drink with now illegal substances.

D - Determination. We are incredibly resiliant and determined people who on a daily basis still fight to overcome the effects of the "War of Northern Aggression". We have taught the rest of the world what is means to never accept "losing". :)

E - Empathy. We have the art of listening to another person go on and on with their problems until they're blue in the face from talking and our ears are bleeding. But we soldier through and keep that intent, sympethetic look on our faces the whole time.

F - Fried. Fried anything. We catch it, grow it, run over it, whatever........we'll fry it up and see how she tastes! I'm pretty sure we invented fried.

G - Gator Huntin. No need to go further with that.

H - Hospitality. We have invented the fine art of Hospitality. No where else can match it. We will cosset and entertain and comfort you until you are slapping us away screaming "Leave me alone!"

I - Ijit. A lovely word meaning Idiot. Most people outside the South haven't heard it a lot so you can say it easily in other parts of the country and people won't know you've insulted them.

J - Julip. As in Mint. As in a nice refreshing alcoholic beverage. Lovely.

K - Kudzu. Plant that ate the South. Grows only here, and in Japan. Okay, so maybe we haven't given it to the world, but they all see the pictures and are fascinated watching it eat cars, buildings and slow people.

L - Lard. I'm sure we invented that. It goes with the whole frying thing.

M - Monster trucks. Nothing better than a Monster Truck Ralley for good family times.

N - Nascar. Need I say more?

O - Okra. A very weird veggie that has a shape that sort of sets you back a bit, but cut it up and FRY it of course - yummy. Some like it boiled too, but it stays slimy inside and prefer to avoid that.

P - Plantations. Homes of such beauty that we fight to preserve them.

Q - Quesedillas. Oops. Wrong South. Never mind, I can't think of a Q.

R - Rotgut/Moonshine. Go up into our mountains. You can still buy it in a quart jar.

S - Sweet Potate Pie, Sweet Tea and Scarlett O'Hara.

T - Tipping. Cows that is.

U - Uncle Jimbo's Cheese Grits. Yummy! Never had grits? You're missing out!

V - Value of Friendship, Fellowship and Neighborliness. We got these down pat and we know how very important it is for the well being of the community. We also use the excellent term "vittles". Means food - any sort of food.

W - Watermelon wine - Yummy! I could also put wrestling here - but the Southern kind - "rasslin". (But that would be under R) Good stuff!

X - Xanax? I have no idea where it's made, but it seems like good stuff and it started with an X so there ya go.

Y - Yams, Yungins, "Yes Ma'ams, Yes Sir's, and of course.....................Ya'll! (I would like to point out here that I notice some people, most conspicously a magazine of that name, spell Ya'll, y'all. It goes with how ya say it. I have always said YA - all. Therefore I spell it that way. The others..... well, they're spelling it wrong. That's all I have to say on the matter.*

Z - Zydeco Music. Very interesting Cajun music. Very fun to dance to!

Alright ya'll - A to Z on the South. I hope you enjoyed.

____________________________________

*See my additional notes on this fascinating subject under the tab at the top of the page, "About/Contact the Dew".

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Tracing the Barbecue Line


Tracing the Barbecue Line



There is a line

Imaginary

Never scribed to yellowed parchment

By some dusty cartographer

Nor emblazoned in color

On the glossy pages of a tony

Travel guide

But real in the minds of those artists who paint

On a canvas of meat and bone

For want of a better name, I think of it as

The Barbecue Line

Its western origins somewhat obscure,

It tumbles across the sere Texas scrublands

Roughly following the line of Secession

Climbing the Ozarks, crossing the Mississippi

To gallop over verdant pastures of Kentucky blue

Ford icy Appalachian streams and kiss the sea

In the tangled salt marshes of the Virginia Tidewater

South of this line, aficionados will eagerly

Engage in passionate alcohol-fueled debate

Over the merits of their favorites

Tangy Texas Beef brisket versus Carolina pulled pork

Ignoring the opinions of the animals each fully committed to either

Scenario

The superior sauce surely spicy mild or sweet

Corn bread or white?

Are paper plates a requirement or will plastic suffice?

In the deeper south Brunswick stew is considered an essential

Accompaniment to the feast but no one can agree

On the proper mix of ingredients or consistency

And frankly there is some debate about whether

It came from Brunswick in the first place
(although there is an annual festival in Brunswick, Georgia)

In fact, barbecue lovers can’t agree on much of anything

Except

South of the Line Barbecue is clearly understood to be a noun

Yankees think it is a verb

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Jim Carson is an Architect living in Atlanta with his wife, daughter and Snickers the wonder dog. His work has been published in numerous journals and includes poems published at The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, Southern Fried Weirdness, The Foliate Oak, Clapboard House and Pocket Change (of which he has received little for his work). He can be reached at jcarson@ncgarch.com.